Complete Critique Sample

Book Being Reviewed: The Desert Saint by AM Pascarella

Title and Cover:At first, I found the title to be a little underwhelming, especially considering how effective the cover is. But after reading the book all the way through and hearing the explanation from the characters, the title made sense. Still, it might have been more effective to come up with a different name for the serial killer in the book because the title was a little confusing and could make the book difficult to sell. 

Characters:This book has a lot of characters, but since each character has a purpose and reason for being in the book, keeping the characters separate wasn’t all that difficult. This evaluation isn’t of every character in the book, but the most important ones.

Maria: As a protagonist, Maria is likeable. She’s driven and determined and curious. She doesn’t judge people as much as tries to understand them. She has a fair amount of self-doubt which makes her more likeable.

Dominic: An extremely interesting character whose true nature doesn’t come out until the end of the story. He might be a little too “good”. He didn’t have that burnt out cynicism that most older cops are portrayed as having, but then again, his goodness is a cover for his more malign side.

Michael: As Maria’s side-kick, he plays his role well. Their interactions are enjoyable, though he could have been more fleshed out. He should have been described more clearly.

Carla: As Maria’s love interest, her arrest throws an interesting wrench into Maria’s investigation. Maria probably got over that whole incident a little too easily. Carla is an effective foil for Maria though.

Esperanza: The disapproving Mexican mother is a good trope for this particular story, though Esperanza didn’t read as genuinely Mexican. She could have used some more authenticity.

Naomi: Her true reason for being in the story comes late, but as the rough around the edges street kid blossoming in a healthy home, she was effectively drawn. She also was used for comedic purposes in an unexpected but totally believable context.

Harold: This character plays an essential role in the story, and his heel turn was a shocking surprise, mostly because he comes across as so pathetic. The change can be considered well done or a bridge too far depending on the reader, which is a roundabout way of saying that I couldn’t decide where I believed it or not.

Jack: The retired police officer turned suspect turned teller of dark tales and sad stories, Jack was deeply likeable. Especially since readers expect old men to be stubborn whereas Jack is open to self-critique but also much smarter than he appears at first.

Rebeka: As a red herring, she did her job, but she was also interesting in a sad way. She was also a rather crappy person which is good. Characters don’t have to be nice.

Structure: Fitting for a thriller, the book has separate point of view characters. The use of the “you” POV to put the reader inside the killer’s perspective as well as hide the character from the reader was generally effective. The use of POV to show rather than tell flashbacks was also effectively done. The switching of POVs in the climactic scene with the protagonist and the villain was particularly well executed as a means of heightening the emotional heft of the scene.

Pacing: The book was roughly 75,000 words, which meant that a lot happened rather quickly. Chapters were focused on specific goals and sometimes ended on effective surprises, but that is an aspect of the pacing that could be improved. Try to end each chapter with some kind of surprise so the reader is compelled to keep going.  The family dinner was great and the book could have used more scenes like that. Transitions were quick between chapters and some slowing down to let the reader catch their breath probably wouldn’t be a bad idea.

Plot Evaluation: Mysteries lend themselves easily to plot because there’s a clear goal. But the key to an effective plot is that characters have to make decisions that have consequences. Maria is not a passive character. She makes choices and when she is captured by Harold, freeing herself allows her to solve the crime. The other twists while what readers are looking for ended up being more distractions than effective plot devices because Maria didn’t learn anything that helped her solve the crime from those events.

Selected Scene Critique: This critique will focus on two scenes: the simulated interrogation and the final meeting between Dominic and Maria.

The Simulated Interrogation: The concept of using a real interrogation to draw Jack into the police station in order to try to trick him into giving up himself was a really surprising and interesting conceit. But the execution of that scene could use a lot of improvement. If Jack was the target, Maria should have paid more attention to him and also tried to really trap him. But she didn’t. She mostly just watched her partner interrogate Rebeka. That interrogation was good, but an opportunity was missed to make a good scene really great.

The Final Meeting: This scene was good, bordering on great. Maria tricked her father into revealing himself as the killer. The father’s suicide matched perfectly with his character, and Maria completing the faking of the scene in order to keep his crimes secret also fit with her character. The actual execution of the scene could use some drawing out. She watches her father kill himself. Some time for emotion would have been good. 

Writing Quality: In general, characterization and writing voice were good. Characters could have been more effectively described. Often, I had no idea what the character looked like because you didn’t describe them effectively. You don’t have to give in depth description of what every person looks like from head to toe but some description helps the reader see everything in their mind’s eye. 

Marketability: America loves serial killers, but also, serial killers might be a little overdone. Your choice of a latina lesbian for the protagonist would definitely be considered modern and marketable. Though if you’re not LGBTQ yourself, people might accuse you of writing about someone that you can’t truly understand. Las Vegas is iconic in this country, but mostly for gambling and for the old fashioned mob town that it was. The lack of either of those aspects might make this book a little difficult to market. Also, the book was in between family drama and police procedural. That’s not necessarily terrible, but sometimes those blurring of lines can make figuring out how to comp your book harder than it needs to be.